Celebrating Valentine’s Day last week with my family and friends reminded me of the fundamental element that encompasses what I teach my clients: It’s all about relationships, it’s all about love and it starts with you.

Relationships: As we look back on our lives and what is truly important, it’s always about the people; those who touched our lives in some way and those whose lives we were able to impact. Our relationships are what give us true depth and meaning.

Love: The foundation of all our relationships is in giving and receiving love. Many of the problems in our lives are rooted in an inability to give and receive love in a healthy and mutually nurturing way. Somewhere the love “got messed up.” Unless you’re in a good place mentally and emotionally and have a certain level of confidence and self esteem, it’s difficult to love yourself, let alone others.

You may wonder what love has to do with your business. In business, you’re working to surround yourself with the right people; whether they’re clients, vendors or referral sources. If you look at others who seem to be surrounded by people who truly support them, you’ll notice that people enjoy being around people that make them feel happy, valued and respected. You exude what’s deep within you, so hopefully that’s love.

You: Love for self will lead you to the greatest life and fulfillment, but it’s the emotional obstacles, including our fears and unresolved anger that holds us back from understanding how to love ourselves and give love to others. This is why I teach emotions and personality management, or managing reality and accepting what you can and cannot change.

You hold the key to your own happiness and success, which will come from your relationships that grow out of love. Learning how to manage your emotions and personality will help you get there. We’re all a work in progress, and it is my hope that my clients are growing in their ability to give and receive love for themselves and love for others.

You’re Fired!.
– Donald Trump on “The Apprentice”

We’ve all been there – the pit in the stomach, the endless excuses, the countless delays. In our business lives, as well as personal, we often know we’d be better off if we could simply end a key, but troublesome, relationship. It’s time to say goodbye, but we just can’t seem to bring ourselves to do it. Maybe we’re afraid of the other person’s response, of being alone, or never finding someone as good again. Often we rationalize, “It’s not so bad,” or “At least I have a customer/business partner/boyfriend.” As a result, we slog on. We pretend that maybe, just maybe, this time it’ll get better and we won’t need to have that difficult conversation we so desperately want to avoid. But no, inevitably one or more reasons reassert themselves, and we recycle through the anxiety of wanting to end the relationship, but we just don’t know how.

Wouldn’t it be nice if, like Donald Trump on “The Apprentice,” you could simply say, “You’re fired!”? It’s certainly dramatic, and good for ratings, but it doesn’t translate well to real life. It’s what I call the “cross the line” phenomenon. A friend of mine debated for over a year whether she should leave her boyfriend. She was always on the cusp, but held in there hoping things would change. One particular evening, the boyfriend became so irate; he kicked her poodle off of a balcony. Frantically scooping up her little pet, which fortunately wasn’t seriously hurt, she knew in that instant, the line had been crossed – the relationship was over. From her new vantage point, she glared up and shouted, in so many words, “You’re fired!”

I can tell you, my friend’s certainty in that situation gave her immense personal power, but she had to wait until the joy of her life was nearly killed before taking action. And by the time she did act, the relationship was irrevocably broken. Neither party could maintain any kind of contact, which was a significant loss for both. There is a better way – one that will facilitate ending non-productive relationships, avoid the “cross the line” phenomenon, and offer a good possibility of preserving a post-breakup connection. I call it the “Power of Parting.” In business and other areas of our lives, there’s power in managing relationships well, which means, among other things, being able to part from those who are no longer useful, or perhaps have become abusive or otherwise unsuitable. But how do we know it’s time to cut the cord, versus dig in and find new ways to cope? The answer is, the cost exceeds the benefit and there’s nothing new to offer. You’ve shared your highest truth and you’re reasonably sure the other person has heard you. In fact, going over the same ground time and again leaves you emotionally drained, perhaps to the point of experiencing stress symptoms such as sleep disturbances, appetite changes, or loss of energy. And, while being stressed out, your rational assessment of the big picture tells you nothing will change. This is the best it’ll ever be, and that’s not good enough. At this point, commit in your mind to the act of parting ways, but let it simmer for 48 hours. If it’s a good idea now, it’ll be good in a couple days. And finally, project ahead as to how your relationship will be if you don’t take action. Imagine looking in a mirror as you age with this person – do you appear strong, energetic, and happy? Or instead, do you reflect increasing sadness – shoulders slumped, features flat, and eyes dim – as you consider the cumulative effects of never being your honest yourself, hoping things will change with no evidence they ever will (a definition for insanity), and slipping into depression.

OK, so you’ve determined now is the time to part. What’s next? Well, before discussing tools, it’s first extremely important to come from the right place – a desire to execute with heart. In other words, the tough conversation you’re about to have is NOT your opportunity to beat up, berate, or argue with the person with whom the relationship is about to be severed. Those conversations are done (see the previous paragraph). Instead, the goal is to lovingly sever the “old” relationship, assist with the next steps, and if appropriate, set up a new kind of relationship that will honor the connection you previously had, but will allow the two of you to function separately going forward. This last point is important because, in most cases, there’s often value in maintaining relationships. If you’ve arrived at this juncture with your self-respect and dignity intact (that is, no line has been crossed), then you have the basis for transforming your relationship for the betterment of both parties.

So let the parting begin! As with any emotionally challenging situation, it’s always best to start with – “nothing!” Literally, pause and take a few deep breaths before you dive in. This will help you collect your thoughts, get grounded with your feelings, and reaffirm your desired outcome1.  Next, deliver your message with what I like to call a “Positive Sandwich” – start with love, insert the potentially challenging information, and conclude with love.3 First, tell the person with whom you’re parting that you respected and/or enjoyed your relationship. Remember, parting is often difficult because you likely did find compelling aspects about the relationship that drew you in. They’re now worth recounting to underscore how important the relationship has been. You may even find that writing down your message will clarify your thoughts and facilitate your communication. Once you’ve established a loving base, quickly move to the “meat” of your message. Because you are in charge, this part must be unequivocal. This is you delivering the news, not requesting a dialog, so it’s best to resist attempts to divert the conversation, rehash grievances, or reconcile the relationship. If the recipient attempts to do any of these, it’s fair to ask the person to simply listen without judgment while you say what you need to say. Be sure to pause as needed, use “we” language (“We’re not working well together”) versus “you” language (You’re the cause of our problems”), and acknowledge the others’ feelings. Although your reasons shouldn’t be anything new, your decision to part will likely still surprise the other person. After discharging your message, provide love once again by suggesting ways in which the person can move forward (job fairs, counseling, dating services, etc) and if appropriate, offer to maintain contact in a newly defined way, such as remaining cordial socially or being supportive professionally. This needs to be a sincere offer, and as discussed earlier, if you haven’t yet crossed the line, then a relationship based on a new dynamic is likely quite possible.

That’s it! At this point, you may feel any mix of emotions – from relief that it’s “out there” and you can move on, to remorse at having “hurt” the other person. It’s useful to understand separation is like death, so “grieving” emotions of anger, denial, bargaining, and acceptance3 may happen as you move through the process. Rely on support networks, such as friends and professional associations, to help fill in the holes previously occupied by the other person. And, remind yourself of your accomplishment – You prepared and studied for a difficult exam, and now it’s over and you passed! As one door closes, another opens, revealing new paths from which you, and the other person, can choose. In fact, you may even get credit from the other person, if not immediately then down the road, for having the courage and grace to give the gift of a loving, well timed, and optimally delivered farewell.

Don’t just do something, sit there! – Dr. Edward Frost

Ever since a mid-day meal became a “power lunch” and a week off morphed into a “working vacation,” we seem frantically driven to pack more into every waking, and sometimes non-waking, moment. We eat breakfast over our computers and text message over lunch. We listen to tapes while sleeping and catnap while working. We exclaim, “There aren’t enough hours in a day!” and “How will I fit it all in?” In short, many of us fill our daily business with manic busy-ness and then pine for a way out, but fear and anxiety trap us in a spiral of escalating activity to be ever more successful.

The good news is yes, there is a way, but it’s not what most of us think. It’s not cramming even more in, nor training our brains to multi-task more efficiently. Instead, it’s nothing. More accurately, it’s a technique about nothing (to paraphrase “Seinfeld,”) that I call “Power of the Pause.” With it, I’m convinced we’re able to foster even more success than our default of always doing something.

As a business coach, I discovered the “Power of the Pause” while working with hard-driving entrepreneurs. These people wring their hands over feeling they should be doing more, especially when closing a sale. When a deal starts to languish, anxiety takes over and they do what they know best – i.e., more of what they did originally to interest the buyer. They cover benefits, handle objections, and reiterate value. In short, they talk… and talk… and talk some more, hoping they’ll convert the prospect, who can’t get a word in edgewise, into a paying customer.

It’s easy to jump into a client’s anxiety boat. After all, they feel discouraged because they have tried everything to attract more clients, build their business, and make sales. It feels natural to commiserate by sharing their fear and dejection, and then to help them feel better by offering support and encouragement. However, the more enthusiastic and rah-rah we become, the more we create noise in everyone’s mind, heighten anxiety, and reinforce the strategy of trying to force things to happen.

That’s where the pause comes in. It’s small, powerful, and takes only a moment. Simply center the body, relax the shoulders, take a few deep breaths, and say nothing… for a minute, maybe two. This is an eternity for some, but by letting stillness prevail, natural problem solving processes begin to flow.

If we replay the scene with the nervous entrepreneur about to lose a sale, the pause works two¬fold. First, when the client starts down path of doom and gloom, we as coaches need only shake our heads in acknowledgment of hearing, and say nothing. Simply let the concerns be voiced and then allowed to waft to the floor. It’s at this point the client can “hear” the words just spoken in full fidelity, undiluted by the usual tidal wave of sympathy. It’s in these moments where clarity of thought emerges, and solutions reveal themselves to the unguarded and receptive mind.

Second, the pause will work for the business owner’s interaction with a customer – for all the same reasons. When the customer starts to back-pedal and offer objections, this is a great time for the salesperson to sit back, breath, and allow a few beats of silence to fill the room. It stops the train of unbridled thinking, allowing real obstacles to be managed.

The pause works equally well in reverse, when needing to remove a client or customer who no longer is a good fit. Simply allow time to get ready, breath, and then initially review the positive aspects of the working relationship. Next comes the “scary” part. Gently convey that something you’re thinking (the negative prediction) may be upsetting. In reality, the client often feels fine and not surprised at all. Then, state what needs to be done – end the professional relationship – and stop. Do not say anything and give the client time to digest and reflect. After a response, take one more breath and reflect their feeling. “I see that you’re confused – or upset, ok, disappointed.” Then stop again, breathe, and get centered. Feel the confidence.

A key component to the pause is breath. In yoga, participants create openness in their bodies by intentionally “sending” breath to the places that are blocked and tight, thus releasing the tension and allowing energy to flow. The pause is like a mini yoga moment. By acknowledging the tension and then giving permission to pause, transformation occurs. Both parties reflect and make conscious, thoughtful decisions – not reactive, impulsive ones. The results are immediate and often astonishing.

If the pause is so effective, why is it not taught in sales courses and seminars? The answer, I believe, is our cultural role models push us to work hard and stop only when exhausted. Slowing down is seen as weakness, even laziness. While difficult to resist this cultural message, I challenge all of us to try. Americans are the world’s leading workaholics, with all the attendant dysfunction. Breaking the cycle can only help us. Harness the Power of the Pause – It will open the door for better decision-making and even greater success.

“Life is like a sandwich – the more you add to it, the better it becomes.”
~Author Unknown

Politicians know it. Salespeople really know it. Even new parents know it, or quickly learn it.
What is “it?” To deliver something distasteful, wrap it up in something good!
Martin Luther King, perhaps one of our era’s greatest orators, knew this when, in his I Have a Dream speech, he said, “…the architects of our republic wrote… a promise that all men… would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted… I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed.” Note how before chastising America
for its shortcomings, he praises our founders’ intent and then closes with the promise of how good it could be if we follow that lead.
I call this approach for delivering difficult, but necessary news, the “Power of the Positive Sandwich.” John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, an 18th-century English aristocrat, knew a good thing when he ate it. He popularized what is today called the “sandwich” by placing difficult to consume meat between slices of bread, thus allowing him to continue playing cards while eating. Similarly, we can maintain, and even enhance, many of our social interactions by carefully wrapping potentially unpalatable, but necessary, messages with praise, support, and useful information. However, just like the good Earl discovered, not all sandwiches are created equal; some go down better than others.
OK, so you want to deliver some difficult news, but you’re experiencing angst over what I call “the scary conversation.” You feel certain the recipient will be unhappy at the least, and quite possibly angry, disappointed, sad, or frustrated. No one likes these feelings, so up until now, you’ve done what many of us do – repeatedly avoid the conversation by going to your nearest safe place, be it a bar, shopping mall, or your office. In your mind, you’ve built up the gravitas of your message to where it now stands as a fortress. You’d like to think the need for the conversation could magically disappear, or there’s that outside chance the other person will read your mind and be the one to bring up this “scary” subject.
The reality is, the problem won’t likely go away, the other person can’t read your mind, and even if that were possible, he or she is likely as scared as you to address the issue. Therefore, you must take action, but the good news is, you’re not alone in that desire to resolve the issue. In that I mean, the message you have to share is probably already known, or at least suspected at some level, by the other person. I consistently maintain that there’s nothing like the truth; it works like magic to free our authentic selves! The goal here is to acknowledge the elephant in the living room so both parties can more forward honestly, openly, and with confidence.
However, you can’t just blurt it out. As Leonard Maltin said, “Timing in life is everything.” Actually for you as the conversation initiator, the better advice is – in addition to timing – consider place, stress level, mood, and content regarding your message. Here’s a guideline on delivering a successful Positive Sandwich:
Your Message: You need to “frame” the conversation. Here I advise “start with the heart and end with the heart.” In terms of a Positive Sandwich this means, open the conversation with love, insert the potentially challenging information, and then conclude with love. Imagine the bottom piece of bread as the base of your message. It contains the love, admiration, and/or respect you feel for the other person. If you currently don’t feel any of these, then remember the positive aspects that brought you into the relationship in the first place. This is especially important for close relationships, such as a friend or business partner. Next, consider the meat of the sandwich as the “scary conversation” – the part you fear won’t go well. Lastly, the top slice of bread comprises a positive statement to complete the conversation and bring resolution to the issue.
Preparation: Be sure you are really ready. Connect to why this conversation is important to you. You may want to prepare a script. This can be done formally by writing your message down or verbally crafting it in your head. Practice for awhile and then perform a final “dress rehearsal” shortly before delivery. This means, as closely as practical, get to the location you intend to deliver the message (see below), and literally go through your discussion, step-by-step, acting out likely reactions and your responses. It may help to obtain support from a friend or call your coach for a last minute pep talk! It’s also useful to remember that this is not easy. Instead, learn to be OK with being “good enough!”
Setting: Generally, a neutral setting such as a coffee shop, park, or even the telephone, will allow for the widest variety of outcomes, and the opportunity to end the conversation quickly, if need be. The key is you want to make sure you allow sufficient time with limited distractions and interruptions, so you won’t feel overly anxious or rushed.
Delivery: Shortly before you begin, consider relaxing through meditation, deep breathing, yoga, walking, or some other form of exercise. The rhythm and physical exertion will expend emotional energy and calm your mind. And right before you dive in, pause for a few beats. This will help you collect your thoughts, get rooted with your feelings, and reaffirm your desired outcome1.
When starting, you may want to protect your message by asking the recipient to “hear you out” before responding. Then, move through your message’s sandwich layers with a slow and even pace. Be sure to pause as needed, use “we” language (“We’re not working well together”) versus “you” language (You’re the cause of our problems”), and acknowledge the other person’s feelings. Make eye contact when speaking and look down or away while the other person is digesting. When he or she begins to speak, give your full attention and stay relaxed. Pay attention to your, and the other person’s, tone of voice and body language. Although your difficult message shouldn’t be anything particularly new, it may still surprise the other person. Be sensitive and respectful. Resist any temptation to blame or complain. Stop or slow way down if the other person is upset. Leave space for silence.
Wrap Up: After discharging your message, provide love once again by suggesting ways you can both move forward – individually and/or together. A sincere offer to stay connected may allow for a new and beneficial relationship dynamic to emerge.
Two things that I say almost every day when working with clients, is “It’s all about relationships” and “It’s all about love.” To this end, the Positive Sandwich is an amazing tool that will infuse more love into all your important relationships! I also say, “It starts with you.” The first and most important relationship on which to use this tool is YOU! Practice a difficult conversation with yourself. Play the Devil’s advocate to see how you can best frame your message and get at your truth. This may be tough at first, but as James Garfield reportedly said, “The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.” We are often initially miserable as we confront our truth but once embraced, the truth sets us free to be our unique and authentic selves in the world. And that, I think, is the promised-land we all seek – for ourselves and for relationships with others.

I am giving you the magic keys to fully activate your network. Now it is up to you to take the next steps. Let me know how it goes for you. What is easy what is hard?  What causes you to say, “But Margo…….”

Who?

•    Your current and potential ideal clients
•    Your current and potential ideal referral/introduction sources
•    Your personal “love” club

Give “ideals” the Three A’s (attention, affection and appreciation)

•    Do something that will be fun or helpful for both of you
•    Call to see how they are doing
•    Acknowledge their integrity, hard work, help and support…

Come Bearing Intangible Gifts

•    Referrals or introductions to potential “ideals” (could even be a date!)
•    Offer support during a difficult time like a death in the family, significant surgery, divorce …
•    Attend a milestone event like a graduation, wedding, baby naming, awards ceremony

Watch What You Say and How You Say It

•    Tell positive stories with passion, featuring your ideal profiles
•    Tell a business or personal success story to answer the question “How was your day?” Don’t complain or be negative.
•    Be aware of your nonverbal communication (tone of voice, facial expression, eye contact). Communication is 93% nonverbal.

Don’t Grope in the Dark (Network with a purpose)

•    Research events or activities before you decide to go or participate
•    Focus on your “7-10’s” or ideal profiles
•    Use your best resources (friends/family, recreational activity, outfit) to create an enjoyable and successful experience. Be careful about only talking to those you know.

Invest In Your Community

•    Get involved with a non-profit, association or organization
•    Use your greatest talent
•    Take a leadership role

Formal education will make you a living; self education will make you a fortune.”
– Jim Rohn, Entrepreneur, Author and Motivational Speaker

For the last decade, I have counseled entrepreneurs in their personal and professional lives, helping them build businesses and maintain happiness and fulfillment. Being an entrepreneur myself, who built and sold a catering company, the fascinating, internal formula that creates some of the world’s most successful people is a personal passion. I have found that the formula comes with some inherent challenges, and many entrepreneurs must learn to harness them to succeed.

I believe entrepreneurs are born. There are people who over time develop the skills necessary to start successful businesses, but most entrepreneurs are born with specific gifts and unique talents that can be fostered by their environment to create the internal formula of a successful entrepreneur. The “X,” “Y,” and “Z” of the formula are often misunderstood and even frowned upon.

I am not at all surprised when I sit down with a successful entrepreneur and have trouble keeping track of their thoughts as they race through a conversation about their latest endeavor. Energy is high and emotions are running rampant with passion as they stumble through laying out the details. Nor am I surprised when the idea is bursting with genius, creativity and will stand out like a “purple cow” in the crowd.

When I said I have trouble keeping track of the conversation, I’m referring to the “X” element or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I’ve found that ADD is often wildly misunderstood. It’s believed that people with ADD jump from one task to the next with a lack of focus and can’t get anything done. While that can be true, the main element of ADD is a preoccupation and fascination with what they find truly interesting. For example, if a person with ADD is interested in model cars, they have trouble focusing on anything but model cars. If a person with ADD is building a business involving something they’re passionate about, they have trouble focusing on anything except the elements of the business they enjoy. It’s this preoccupation and fascination that keeps the entrepreneur pushing forward. They really have no choice, since it’s difficult to focus on anything else.

When I described the excitement and high energy that often exudes from successful entrepreneurs, or the “Y” factor, I’m referring to the Bipolar aspect of the successful entrepreneur’s personality. I am not saying that all entrepreneurs struggle with Bipolar Disorder, but many do and many more rate higher on the Bipolar scale than the average person. Just Google “famous people with Bipolar” and hundreds of articles and lists will appear with the names of entrepreneurs, artists, entertainers and politicians.

Bipolar is another disorder that is often misunderstood. People think that those suffering with it have moods swings that fluctuate drastically throughout the day. Most of the time, this is not the case. Some people are mostly on the “high” or manic side while others can stay depressed for long periods of time. It’s this high energy side of Bipolar that allows people to function without much sleep and have enough energy to get a business up and running and keep employees motivated. The manic entrepreneur is out of touch with reality and protected from the normal stresses of starting a business. They feel like they can conquer anything.

When I mentioned that I’m not surprised when the idea stands out from the crowd, is unusual and draws attention, I’m referring to the “Z” element of the formula or Narcissism. This is another one that is misunderstood. While Narcissists get a bad reputation, they are some of my favorite people. I should also state that almost all of us have some degree of Narcissism in our makeup. We all like to feel love and approval from others. Some of us just rate higher on the Narcissism scale than the average person.

There are different theories to the origins of Narcissism, and it’s probably more than one element that contributes to the overall personality disorder, but a common belief is the person was lacking love, attention and affection from an important relationship as a child, so they seek love and approval. Narcissists can be very loving people because they know what the love they are longing for looks and feels like, so they understand how to give it to others. They are typically likable, charismatic and influential; the type of people who walk in a room and demand attention. They exude what they are desperately seeking, even without saying a word.

All three X, Y, Z elements – ADD, Bi-Polar and Narcissism – create the perfect combination for a successful entrepreneur. The child with ADD who didn’t receive many kudos until they found a focus finally has love pouring in from success, which feeds the Narcissism. The Bipolar gives them enough energy and excitement to take their passion to the next level.

It’s not the average person who can forgo comforts and rationale and hyper focus enough to get a brilliant, stand-out-from-the-crowd idea off the ground. But this dynamic combo is a perfect formula. It’s the management and maintenance of a business that can struggle once the entrepreneur is on to their next venture or idea, which is why people who make up for the entrepreneur’s shortcomings need to be in place. The healthy entrepreneur knows their weaknesses and strengths and reaches out to people for help. For the entrepreneur, understanding the unique challenges this X, Y and Z combustion creates for their life and the lives of those around them is crucial.

Understand it + Embrace it + Harness it = True Success, Happiness and Fulfillment for the successful entrepreneur.

~ MarGO

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.
– Plato, Greek philosopher.

“At least he wasn’t an axe murderer!” My friend’s assertion did little to sway my opinion. I asked, “Why do you keep accepting blind dates with unsuitable people?” Her eyes searched mine – for a reprieve perhaps, or forgiveness?  Finding neither, she glanced away and plead, “Well, it beats being alone on Friday nights.” “Really!” I admonish like an English governess. “Any date will do, so long as you keep busy on a Friday night?” Her cringe acknowledged my stark appraisal. “Pathetic, I know,” she offered limply, “but it does distract me from my loneliness.” I remained steadfast. “I don’t know what else to do,” she said, relenting. “You can start,” I jumped in, “by defining your ideal client!”

She knew I used “client’ as a metaphor for “date” because, like my other coaching clients, she offered the same types of excuses for keeping unsuitable clients in her business. However, as with bad blind dates, these clients drive us crazy because they don’t possess characteristics that make the experience enjoyable. To avoid this and get the experience we want, we must – in the beginning – define the clients we want.

We can start by understanding what makes a bad client. On a generic level, certain clients, no matter what product or service, display non-desirable behaviors, including high complaints, non-compliance with procedures, and rudeness. On a specific level, some clients aren’t in a position to maximize the service of a given business, such as a home buyer with insufficient down payment or a single traveler using a couples’ travel agency. Ultimately, these unsuitable clients lock up “slots” that could be used to serve good clients, often to the point where 80% of client service effort gets allocated to the bottom 20% of clients – the “problem” clients. This produces a lose/lose dynamic: frustration and expense for the business, with underserved and unsatisfied clients.

Conversely, good clients are win/win. They display good overall qualities, such as paying bills on time, clearly communicating wants, and respecting the business’s services, and they fit the business’s specific service niche. This good client works with a business to solve issues, stands ready to consummate the transaction, and conveys a sense of closure and accomplishment after a service is rendered.

Since these are the clients we want, how can we know one when we see one? Create a profile of what this client looks like through what I call the “Ideal Client Profile.” On a scale of 1 – 10, think about client interactions that comprise a “7-10 Experience.”1 This is easy on a generic level. Most of us say things like, “Clients who respect my service, pay my invoices, or who are courteous.” We also need to get granular, defining the top specific attributes relative to your business. These should align with our business strengths – the things we do/be/are that differentiate us in the marketplace. If you’re in real-estate, where geographically do you want to sell? If you’re offering financial services, what net worth client meets your needs? If you’re a business lawyer, what type of industry aligns with your expertise? Here’s an example for a Commercial Real Estate Agent:

Potential clients must be:
1.    Dealing in $1M or above property
2.    Adequately financed
3.    Buying/Selling in a targeted geographical area
4.    Serious and motivated
5.    Valuing of agent’s role
6.    Responsible and respectful

Once the Ideal Client Profile is in place, we simply tick through it and either “hire/retain” the good clients (ones who comply with our profile) or “fire/avoid/refer-out ones who don’t meet our criteria.2 In one fell swoop, we remove the bulk of client issues, expand the percentage of time working with enjoyable and profitable clients, and make room for more good clients.

At first, this may seem hard to do. As with most improvement tasks, knowing what and how to do something is easy. It’s execution that challenges us. One big reason is exaggerated fear emanating from a scarcity mentality. It’s a dog-eat-dog out there, some of us think, and the pie’s only so big. Letting a client go may start a slippery slope to the poorhouse. A second reason is bad clients keep us busy (remember my friend’s blind date?). For many of us, staying busy looks like success, but really distracts us from doing the deeper work of defining a better life. Finally, a less acknowledged and more insidious reason is apathy. Simply put, most of us have been willing to settle for a #5 existence. We hear voices saying, “Who do you think you are? Life is tough – you should just be happy where you are.” This impoverished self-image that will thwart our path to success and dull our happiness for whatever success we do attain.3

Confronting our demons can be difficult. The key is to think abundantly. The world of business is not a pie with only so many sections. Instead, wealth is created by each of us when we step to the plate to offer a service that meets another’s needs. It’s dynamic and grows to whatever size we create. We simply need to pause, know we deserve success, and ask the question, “What can I do to create a 7-10 experience in all I do?” In the area of business, creating an Ideal Client Profile will help steer us in that direction, providing clarity and specificity, and keeping our target out front. It will also act as an advance planning tool – one that preserves time, both for managing current clients and seeking new ones. Taken together, these positive outcomes will not only make business life more enjoyable, they will enable each of us to bring more of our authentic selves into the world, which for me, comprises a crucial ingredient for living the “7-10” life.

~ MarGO

1 For more on living a 7-10 Experience, see “The Power of Place”
2 For more on severing non-productive relationships, see “The Power of Parting”
3 For more on overcoming fears, see “The Power of Prevailing”